Famille et Parents: fears

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allison perkins


i am a mother.
i don't like being a mother.
don't like being her.

it took me my final 2 years of art school to work through this...to say i did it, but i don't like it

i abandoned the fear of what the society thought.."it doesn't work that way" "wicked woman" "selfish bitch" "you can't say that"...this includes hearing women say this as well

Etats Unis

I am an imperfect mother

This is a courageous statement for you to make. Readers would love to learn more about how you see yourself in this role and why you feel so much displeasure in these shoes. Not to judge, but to support.

'The Terrible Mother'

Hello Allison.

I am a painter as well, wrestling with the same issues you mentioned. I come from a long line of 'accidental mothers' who spent a long time living in resentment of their forced roles. I see everywhere in our mythologies, stories, movies and other media a completely polar idea of 'mother'. Mother is either the Virgin Mary or she is a child-devouring Medusa.

I often feel trapped and unable to express my real struggles with the mother archetype for fear of societal judgment and possible condemnation and punishment.

Because my daughter nearly died shortly after birth, I feel I was given the opportunity to really say that I truly wanted to raise her and to have her. So I am very grateful to have the experience of being her mother but I struggle mightily with the choices I must make between raising her myself or being financially independent, between parenting her in my own way or cowing to modern psychological ideals, between allowing myself to be good enough or constantly living in fear and guilt of having permanently damaged my child on a bad day.

I would love to hear more from you on your own struggles. I am currently attempting to move my work into the realm of 'the terrible mother' and my own power struggles with the role of modern motherhood.

I have been told by female authorities that 'motherhood' is kitsch and that I should avoid it as a topic for art like the plague. I thought it perfectly illustrated where I am currently at in my life and my roles. I want this to change for my own daughter, if she chooses to have her own children in the future.


Lo perfecto de lo imperfecto.

Leyendo los post y las respuestas, me parece que se puede resumir de una amorosa manera.
La cualidad primera de la condición humana es que es imperfecta.
¿porqué nos conflictuamos tanto por querer ser lo que no somos?..
No somos perfectas, ni nacimos así, ni moriremos siéndolo.
Sin embargo, lo que nos puede acercar a un estado de mayor paz interior, es que después de hacer un recuento honesto de nuestras flaquezas y fortalezas, con amor y desde el amor.. vivir
con lo que hay, con lo que es,
dejar a la víctima y tomar la responsabilidad de lo que nos corresponde y, ahí hacer los cambios.

I am a woman. I am a mother. I am female. I live in a so it seems a male world. Yet, it seems male also is suffering as much as women. I am a parent who will continue to be the best I can be. To be all these things as its pros and cons...sometimes as a mother I feel dishonored, disrespected and unappreciated. Whose fault is this---my children, my decision, the men I chose to love---government, the world or God? I realize that I cannot change the timing of my birth, my entrance to this world, the children God gave me, my family for I love them so dearly even when it hurts to know at times family is the one who hurts you deeply. A mother love her children to the last breath even in their undesirable behavior because I too once behavior not so lovely.

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Mary Trunk
Etats Unis

Lost in Living

I am editing a film about mothers who are artists and I have posted selected clips on youtube. You are not alone. Please check them out at http://www.youtube.com/user/maandpafilms/videos

You can also check out the website for the film at www.maandpafilms.com/lostinliving. Or you can view the clips on my blog: www.maandpafilms.com and click on "blog." Thanks!

Mary Trunk
Etats Unis

Video links

Thanks for taking a look. Would love to hear your thoughts.

Lost In Living Video clips (Mary Trunk)

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